The Consequences of a Rushed Marriage Decision

Manoj Nayak•
Kavya was a twenty-eight-year-old smart, independent, thoughtful woman. But she had a problem; she was desperate to get married. Rohan was someone she liked. She trusted Rohan, but Rohan was light-hearted and never took Kavya seriously. He made fun of her when she kept telling him about her urgency to get married asap and the series of guys she has been serial dating without success. Rohan didn’t get it; what the damn hurry was, after all. She was not thirty yet. Couldn’t she wait for a couple of years? Maybe she wanted to clear the way for her sister so that she could get married, or she was running out of her fertility window and desperate to become a mother. Well, Rohan thought, who was he to question her? He wasn’t even her boyfriend. He was just a friend she kept telling about her marriage plans, except that no guy from her serial dating series was available to whom she could get married. It never crossed Rohan’s mind that he could be the guy who could be her husband. He didn't see himself as a potential husband material to her. She has never shown any inkling of chemistry. Rohan hung out with her just because she was amusing to him. He also felt a sense of peace with her. She was someone Rohan felt like he could be himself; there was no pressure of any kind. He didn't have to put on an act like he had to do with other women he wanted to impress so he could fuck them. Kavya was in his friend zone and not even a "fuck buddy" candidate. On Hindsight, Rohan wondered, was she dropping a hint to him back then? Yes, in fact, she was, he realised. However, she was so subtle that Rohan didn’t even get those hints. Unless the woman said she wanted to fuck him, he didn’t get such suggestions. Rohan was a bit dumb. His brain was stuck between his legs. They were always friends, and though he loved her in a friendly way, he didn’t lust for her as a man lusts for a woman. Rohan always felt Kavya was asexual; she never seemed interested in sexual stuff. Her brain certainly wasn't between her legs. He attributed this asexual behaviour when he came to know that Kavya had been in a long relationship with a man earlier and felt abused sexually, which had made her conclude that sex was no good. She went on to say sex was evil and a lower form of action. Why would he lust for such a woman for marriage when Rohan thought the entire point of why men marry is to get a regular supply of sex? So he never made any move on kavya! He gave Kavya a pass. He decided she was beyond an object of lust. .

Kavya had met the guy on a dating website.

Finally, the day arrived. Kavya told Rohan that she had met "the" guy on a dating website. His name was Avinash. He was smart and dapper. He even had a steady job in an MNC. She said that he had proposed marriage to her publicly at a party just fifteen days after the meeting.

She decided to accept his marriage proposal. Was it a hasty decision?

Avinash certainly seemed to have gone gaga for her. They got married soon enough. Kavya was a working girl, and Kavya made her own decisions. After losing her father, Kavya was independent enough to take her own decisions. In retrospect, Rohan now thinks that Kavya was not wise enough to take such a crucial decision all by herself and that too in just about fifteen days of meeting a guy. What do you know about a guy whom you met thrice before you decided to marry him? Kavya was so headstrong that she probably wouldn’t listen to her friends, who might have hinted about the soundness of her decision to marry Avinash. Rohan was too self-absorbed and naive even to think that Kavya could be wrong. He thought Kavya was far too intelligent and emotionally connected to herself, and she knew what was best for her. Also, they weren’t so intimate for him to butt in with his objections. Not that he had any, except that he might lose a friend, which was exactly how it went. Kavya never kept in touch once she got married to Avinash.

Avinash and Kavya get married.

They had a beautiful daughter. But soon enough, things went south. Just because he went down on his knees when he proposed to her, did she think he would be subservient for the rest of his life? Men change when they get a woman; they lose interest in what they have acquired. They move on to more significant conquests like careers, stocks, portfolios, status, respect and other women. Now that they have tied the woman up in a marriage and even made her financially dependent, they expect the woman to go down on her knees for the rest of her life.

Avinash’s attachment to his mother was another issue.

Avinash was very attached to his parents and his mother in particular. He spent all his income on his parents and his sister’s education. He deprived Kavya and even made her pay for his expenses, sometimes from her income. His attachment to his mother meant he did everything as per his mother’s wishes, and Kavya’s desires and plans were always a second priority for him. Kavya was feeling stifled. But she tries to keep her spirits up by engrossing herself in her work. She took on more work than she can handle to take her mind off the abuse she was getting with Avinash. The man she married depended on his mother for everything, even changing a light bulb in the house.

Kavya decided it was enough.

Kavya had to move on. She was never a doormat variety; she had always earned a living since her father’s demise at 19 and even supported her mother and her siblings. They separated. It was a bitter separation. He wouldn’t let her be alone. He wanted their only daughter to be with him. Some police intervention was needed to knock sense into Avinash’s thick head. But Kavya eventually could break away because she was an independent woman with her own business. #marriage #divorce